“how fat is fat?” -OR- “why i’m wearing tube dresses this summer”

25Jul10

for those of you who don’t follow me on twitter and aren’t friends with me on my [other] facebook page, you may not know that i have been on a campaign to #stopbeingafatty.  yes, this is the campaign fka #antifatty. i decided to join my fellow ideacamper, @danportnoy, in his #dontbeafatty efforts, even through the name change.  why? ‘cuz nobody should hafta try to stop being a fatty alone.

now, i know there are people screaming at me through their computers (btw, i can’t hear you).  why on earth am *i* of all people on a campaign to stop being a fatty?  well, for one thing, ‘cuz my latest exploits have included being a fatty.  (more on what that means momentarily.)  two of my friends have expressed concern about me using this hashtag to describe my efforts to get back into health.  their concern is that they don’t see me as being fat, especially compared to themselves.  while i fully understand, my response is that all this is relative, which they have already proven with their concern.

when the first friend spoke up to me, i did have to take a long, hard look at what i was saying.  by no means do i intend to offend anyone, but damnit, i am definitely overweight!  so what DO i mean by ”being a fatty”?  i mean that:  my clothes don’t fit, i can’t walk w/o stumbling over my thighs, i’m feeling sluggish, and i’m just generally too big for my frame (e.g. muffin top + belly roll).  what causes such issues?  fat.  ergo, i am being a fatty by not doing anything about it.  now, i’m on a mission to stop that.

the second friend and i had a more in-depth conversation about the matter.  i feel the urge to paste snippets of this particular conversation:

her: You really have a twisted sense of what “Fat” is dont you?

me: nope, not at all. My clothes don’t fit, can’t walk w/o stumbling over my thighs, feeling sluggish, too big for my frame… fat is all relative. For me, fat is anything bigger than the size of clothes I currently own. For others, that’d be deadly.

her: Its easy for some1 as thin as u to say but in a society that condemns/marginalizes ppl who actually ARE fat, its not relative So I would caution you, in your use of the term “fatty” to possibly show a bit more sensitivity to people who actually are fat and actually facing life-threatening problems because of it

[i must pause here and note that i would define this as obesity, not just being fat]

me: and see for you to say that I’m so thin proves my point. Rolls & muffin tops are not signs of a thin person. And health probs? how about an a1c count of 5.8? Back when I was about the size I am now. I’m trying to keep from getting back to that.

her: I’m merely pointing out how your use of the word “fatty” might offend ppl. As I said, if u dont care, so be it. Keep using it

me: it is not my intent to offend. I actually adopted the term b/c I have another friend who is also on the same mission. he is definitely not what you [& friend] would call “thin”.  and I don’t understand why I should have to meet some sort of threshold to be able to take on such an effort

her: It really bothered [friend]… and when I read ur tweets, I see why. So, w/ all of ur followers, u might be offending others

me: I do understand this. And I pondered it for quite a while. I can’t control how other ppl internalize MY journey, you know?

her: …there is an acceptable threshhold. I actually AM fat LOL every1 would agree so its more acceptable. when a slender person calls him/herself fat, some view that as offensive to people who actually ARE… I just thought that maybe, since you aren’t actually fat, you might think abt the derogatory nature of using the term to SOME

yeah, i know that was a lot. especially for twitter!  but i felt it necessary to include it all, because this is really a big deal.  i feel multiple ways about the issue.

• first off, i do not want to hurt anyone’s feelings.  more on that a few bullets down.
• even so, fat IS relative.  case in point => this is me at a size 10/12 (no, it’s not the best pic, but i didn’t take many pics during these days.):
• 
  • yes, it was july in new york city and i was wearing a jacket.  yes, i was wearing a skirt w/ an elastic waistband.  yes, that is my face under there. no, i was not recovering from the mumps. yes, my a1c count was 5.8 (so basically, two more slices of bread & i woulda been a bonafide diabetic. like all but one other person in my family.)
  • i’m willing to bet that there are quite a few people reading this blog who are size 10/12, looking & feeling GREAT.  i, however, lose my face.  fat is relative.
• i should not have to pass some sort of “fat test” to be allowed to acknowledge myself to be, or be heading toward, such.
• if a person is offended by me doing so, that says more about his/her own mental state than it does about what i’m doing.
  • while this perspective may seem a bit harsh, it’s very much true.
  • no, i do not see my use of the word “fatty” as being derogatory.  yes, i do see how some people might find it offensive anyway.
• that said, let’s be clear here: i have not called anyone else fat. people seem to be doing this to themselves based on my expression of how i see myself.  i have come to accept that this sort of energy is not mine to embrace. (see narrative therapy)

i would, however, like to know: how fat is fat enough to be called fat?  how do we establish the standards for this?  i’m not being facetious here; i do actually care.  while i am the first to acknowledge my own asshole-ish tendencies, i do not wish to add to them. (stay tuned for the #stopbeinganasshole campaign.  maybe.  ::snort:: )

-Amanda

**some of you may be wondering how this post made it to this blog.  well for one, i hid the other blog. for another, i think this really is a broader social issue that deserves attention from my professional network.  as we work with young people, especially, i think we should have discussions about these issues.  the same

Filed under: Interpersonal Relations, This Is Me   |  2 Comments
Tags: Culture, do somethin' about it, Goals, Growth, Shock & Awe